Titus 2 Men And Women

It is so very common for deeply hurt people to allow their painful, traumatic experiences to cause them to feel isolated and develop a "victim" mentality as they dwell constantly on their pain, isolate themselves, and become angry. They may choose to get angry with themselves, the person who caused or causes the pain, and they get angry at God. If a person gets angry enough, the anger masks their emotional pain. However, anger is similar to acid; it either eats away at the container or it splashes out on whoever is nearby.

Anger at sin and unrighteousness is not sin; anger at people or God’s ordering of our lives is sin. God describes this anger turned inward in an interesting way in the book of Job: Job 18:4 says, “He teareth (to pluck off or pull in pieces; to supply with food as in morsels; tear in pieces.) himself in his anger….” "He teareth himself in his anger…" This "tearing anger" is self-abuse, of all kinds.

One of the ways tearing anger reveals itself in our lives is as some type of addiction. Often we think of addictions as being to drugs, alcohol, gambling or sex. However, addiction can also be to books, TV, shopping, running, dieting, eating disorders, anger, divorce, control, sexual abuse, physical abuse, financial problems, manipulation, inconsistency, unreliability, moodiness, etc. The point is, the individual is using the adrenaline rush derived from the addiction to cover the hurt and then feels a deeper "victim" mentality and guilt when confronted with the consequences of their addictions. Addiction is how a person medicates the pain. It is relief through release.

Most people physically or emotionally injure themselves to relieve some unpleasant emotion, ranging from anxiety to depression. Studies have suggested that when people who self-injure become emotionally overwhelmed, an act of self-harm brings their levels of psychological and physiological tension and arousal back to a bearable level almost immediately.

With any kind of addiction brought on by any kind of deep hurt or shame comes the belief that "something is wrong with me." And this all combines to keep a person in bondage to their addictive behavior.

Self-abusive behavior does not necessarily mean you were an abused child. It usually indicates that somewhere along the line you didn't learn good ways of coping with overwhelming feelings. You're not disgusting or sick. You just never learned positive ways to deal with your feelings. Feeling that "something is wrong with me" can keep a person in bondage to their addictive behavior. Self-abusive behavior is frequently the outcome of stuffing or burying painful emotions and feelings. And this, as Tamar’s life shows us in II Samuel 13:20, leads to inner desolation which is depression and emptiness.

God tells us in Job 11:8 that we need to dig out things in our lives so that we can “be secure, because there is hope; yea, thou shalt dig about thee, and thou shalt take thy rest in safety.” “Those who refuse to let go of the past, who make no attempt to cope with the problems, (and consequences), sorrow, (and grief) has brought--who refuse help when it is offered are selfish in their mourning and can cause untold suffering for themselves and for their families and friends.” - Frank A. Kostyu, Healing The Sore Spots

Our mentors hear adults who were children of divorce, whose pain and false guilt have never eased; women divorced many years ago who are still steeped in sorrow and grief; women living in troubled marriages who grieve every day of their lives as those who have no hope, people who have lost loved ones to death who years later are still devastated by grief; people who are ill of body or emotions and mind, survivors of abuse still internally desolate after decades. We hear many of these people tell of their addictions and the consequences those addictions have put on their lives.

But God… has a way—a way we must decide to choose. God wants us to choose to start the healing process by opening our hearts to accept Him as Saviour and then to accept Him for our healing, confess and repent of our sinful attitudes and actions, accept the truths of God as we walk in them while allowing them to renew our minds.

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